I think we can all agree that it’s never too early in the week to share some gems from the Twitter stream of personal ads from the London Review of Books:

By placing this ad I’ve lowered my expectations considerably. Now even you’re in with a chance. Don’t blow it by mentioning your mum. F, 46.

My animal passions would satisfy any F but for the filibustering of this damned colon. Write to M, 83, for list of approved solids.

I’ve created an Excel spreadsheet to document all the lovers I’ve had in my life. I’d like you to be cell A2. IT consultant (M, 34).

Respondents to my last ad: this time meet the real me. Now alcohol-free, medicated, and wearing trousers. M, 41.